The "20 Most Hated Celebrities"—Half of Whom You Barely Think About
Star Magazine released its Top 20 Most Hated Celebrities list. Did your (least) favorite make the cut?
What this list says to me to that Star readers spend a lot of time hating celebrities who are barely relevant anymore. I mean, Shia LeBoeuf? What has he done (lately)? Katherine Heigel?? She's one bad movie away from being invited to 'Dancing with the "Stars"'!
And who's Chris Brown gotta punch or threaten to make number one? I mean, I feel like he's been trying really hard in the last few years to earn a high position on this list.
Notably absent? Donald Trump, Courtney Stodden, Andy Dick, and pretty much anyone who's ever been on a reality show with "Wives" or "Love" in the title, just to name a few.
While some of the celebrities totally make sense [I'm looking at you, Kristen Stewart... Though you should have ranked much higher], some of these are true head scratchers.
What this list says to me to that Star readers spend a lot of time hating celebrities who are barely relevant anymore. I mean, Shia LeBoeuf? What has he done (lately)? Katherine Heigel?? She's one bad movie away from being invited to 'Dancing with the "Stars"'!
And who's Chris Brown gotta punch or threaten to make number one? I mean, I feel like he's been trying really hard in the last few years to earn a high position on this list.
Notably absent? Donald Trump, Courtney Stodden, Andy Dick, and pretty much anyone who's ever been on a reality show with "Wives" or "Love" in the title, just to name a few.
While some of the celebrities totally make sense [I'm looking at you, Kristen Stewart... Though you should have ranked much higher], some of these are true head scratchers.
Dear Mom (To My Friend, T)
This month, The Mom Pledge is embarking on an effort called the Dear Mom Meme. The idea is that instead of using the internet to always talk about what we don't like or releasing our negative energy, to take a little time before Mothers Day to say something positive about or to another mom. Towards this effort, I dedicate this letter to my friend, T. Life has thrown her a lot of curveballs lately, and I just wanted to take some time to remind her and to let everyone else know just how fantastic I think she is.
Dear T,
You're amazing. I know that no matter how often the rest of us in the Fab 5 try to tell you, you seem not to believe it. But you need to hear this again: you are amazing.
You are beautiful, strong, smart, funny, kindhearted, and an amazing friend. You are also an amazing mother.
I know there are other single moms out there doing it every day, but don't let the fact that there are others blind you from realizing that what you do—how everything you do in both your personal and professional life is for the benefit and the goal of your wonderful son—is outstanding. It shows in your son. He is polite and intelligent (not to mention, handsome as all get out). You made him that way. YOU did.
You are a fantastic friend. Of course, I see it in our own relationship. But I also see it in how you interact with others. You are someone that people can always count on to be real, true, and kind. But let's not forget funny. OMG, you can crack me up!
You are a wonderful daughter. You do so much more than many people would do in your situation and probably even more than most people could physically do, considering everything you have going on.
I don't know where you find all the time in the day to do the things you do for your parents, your child, your friends and your coworkers, but you do. Life has dealt you some pretty crappy cards lately, but you have handled it—as you always do—with grace and poise. I know there have been a few times when you've felt just beaten and battered and just exhausted by everything going on, but you still managed it all with calm and class.
You are a wonderful woman. I admire you as a mother and a friend. I strive to learn more from you.
We all see it in you. I hope you can see it in yourself.
Love you, girl!
XOXO,
Pop Culture Mom
Open Letter to the One-True-Way Type Moms
Hey you over there with they keyboard! Yeah you—the one on the message board or blog implying that everyone who doesn't parent exactly like you doesn't love their children enough, is psychologically damaging their child, and/or is completely destroying their children's chances of being normal, happy, functioning adults [oh, but you said you don't think those ladies are bad parents, so it's all good, amirite?]. Yeah, I've got a message for you.
Of course, the One True Way Moms will never read my letter. They're too busy telling perfect strangers online what's wrong with how they live.
Look, I know that people judge each other's parenting choices, just like we judge everything else. When I see things I don't like or understand, heck yeah, I judge. I may even rant to my friends about it or write on Facebook, maybe even post a blog. But there's a difference between judging something that is different from you and trying to dictate how others live. Moreover, I think most of us who silently judge are fully capable of admitting that while we prefer our own way, that doesn't make any different way inherently bad.
If you can't understand the simple concept of how we are all made different, which is why different things motivate and appeal to us, try thinking of individual parenting choices as other choices. I am a cat person. Dogs are okay. I've had plenty of them, but I'm not really that into them. I have some friends who can't stand cats. Me constantly mentioning my love of cats isn't going to change the anti-cat person into a cat person, and them countering back to me with the merits of dog love isn't going to persuade me either. Now let's suppose we have a friend who wants a pet, but doesn't know what to get. Of course we are going to both try to persuade her why our pet preference is best. In the end, though, that neutral friend is probably going to pick the pet that fits best within her personality and lifestyle. If she's a dog person, my cat argument may have sounded appealing... until she found an alternative that was more "her." I can't get mad at her for that. I can't call her and the other dog lover horrible people or irresponsible pet owners simply because having a cat wasn't for them. I mean, I could; but if I did, they would probably be well within their right for hating me and my insistent one-true-wayism.
I'm not that gal, though. I might question why anyone would ever prefer a dog. I might even think they're crazy for it. But at the end of the day, I will always acknowledge that while a cat is right for me, it isn't for everyone, and I shouldn't give a flying flip about what someone else does in her own household unless it directly or indirectly affects me. I also don't need to justify my choice of cat to anyone. And if I had a fellow cat-loving friend who was One-True Way about her cat love and who refused to respect anyone who owned a dog, I couldn't be friends with her. I am not in the habit of maintaining friendships with people who can only respect me when I am exactly like them. Heaven forbid I want to have my own opinions one day!
I know some of you think this is a ridiculous example, because cats and dogs don't really affect society, but how someone raises their kid does. But not really. Yes, there are some universal bads that have a long-term effect on society. People who choose to allow their kids to be obese are affecting health care costs, but someone who occasionally lets her kid have junk food that you don't allow in your house at all probably is not. People who are sexually or physically abusing their kids are probably affecting the society around you, but people who are spanking their kids or strict Positive Parenting advocates most likely are not. People who raise their kids religiously or who raise their kids atheist are likely not affecting you, but people who are raising their kids to hate and even engage in physical violence towards people of a different race, religion or sexual orientation, probably are.
We all want society to be better. We all want our kids to be nearly perfect (whatever our version of "perfect" is). However, there are only a few examples of truly universally bad parenting. The rest is all shades of gray. So tend your own garden before you go pointing out the dandelions in someone else's.
Post Note: After this was published, someone asked me if I'm not doing the same thing I'm accusing others of doing—judging someone's parenting style. I think it's a valid question. Here is my answer: In the same way people who are intolerant of bigotry, sexism, homophobia, etc. aren't "intolerant" on the same level as the bigots/sexists/homophobes [e.g., hating Westborough Baptist doesn't make you a hypocritical hater], I'm not casting judgment in the same manner as the one-true way parent. I don't care how someone parents. I really don't. Even if I don't like someone's parenting style, unless it falls within the rare exception of a Universal Bad warranting a call to CPS, it isn't my business. That was the whole point of this post. It's none of our business when people employ parenting methods that are different from our own. Most of those people know nothing about your kids and what makes them tick, so they have no business publicly passing judgment on your parenting style. And, quite frankly, they also lack the qualifications. So, no, I'm not trying to say "Hey, I bash the One-True Way Moms who parent differently from me." Heck, I feel the same whether it's someone with a vastly different parenting style or someone with whom I generally agree [I cringe watching another lactivist attack moms who use formula. Killing the cause, deary. Killing. The. Cause]. I'm just saying, until you've walked several hundred miles in another mom's pumps until you made it all the way home, don't go around telling her that she's not walking the right way. That's all.
Dear Judgy McJudgerson,
Amazing how you think you know on such bold and sweeping, blanket terms what is best for EVERY child. I'm sure your vast experience in raising [one child] / [three children] / [20 children Duggar style] to the ripe old age of [two months] / [11 years] / [42], combined with the books and blogs you faithfully read, has completely qualified you to determine what will and will not make for a productive, functioning adult. Can I borrow that time machine when you're done?
I have two children who cannot be parented the same way by the same parents because they are so different; yet you, perfect stranger who we have never met and will never meet, knows exactly what works and doesn't work for my children. Why haven't you written your book yet? It's sure to be a bestseller. After all, why do we need so many parenting books out there when your one philosophy on parenting will surely answer every question any of us have ever had?
Before I swallow what you're selling hook, line and sinker, I just want to make sure your parenting techniques will actually work for my children. I know you think all children can be molded the same, which is why your one philosophy applies to all children equally, but I really want to know how this is going to work. So let's just start with Little Diva for example.
Even though I know [you don't believe in any type of punishment, because that will psychologically damage my child]/[only believe in spanking, because anything else will spoil my child], what does Little Diva consider the single worst punishment for her—the one that relates to her individual personality, motivations and triggers? What are the three most effective rewards to offer her?
I know you already have your own very strict beliefs about diet or television or cartwheels, but—assuming this question is even acceptable within your parenting philosophy—given a choice between extra dessert or an extra hour to stay awake and watch TV, which would she choose?
What are her fears?
What are her favorite movies?
How does she typically react in a social situation with people she's never met?
How does she feel about spiders?
What would her reaction be on a 4' high beam? In a pool of water?
Who are her favorite non-fictional people excluding immediate family? [you know, when she isn't hating us for not following your soon-to-be-patented parenting technique]
What is her least favorite word?
Does she like tomatoes?
What? You don't know? But you're sure your one-size fits all philosophy works? Based on what exactly? Oh... Those books and blogs you read? Have you met the author... and his/her children? You haven't.... So why do you assume their way to raise children was even effective for their kids, let alone yours or mine? Because the author's suggested parenting techniques fits your own personal style, instinct, preference and philosophy? That's funny. I was acting on my own instincts, style, preference and philosophy too… and you implied that it made me a bad mother.
Until you can answer those questions with respect to my child---both of my children—you don't know them. You don't know their ticks or triggers. Unless you can answer similar questions about me or my husband, you don't know anything about our family structure.
So don't purport to assume you know how to raise my kids.
Most sincerely (oh boy, am I sincere),
Pop Culture Mom
Of course, the One True Way Moms will never read my letter. They're too busy telling perfect strangers online what's wrong with how they live.
Look, I know that people judge each other's parenting choices, just like we judge everything else. When I see things I don't like or understand, heck yeah, I judge. I may even rant to my friends about it or write on Facebook, maybe even post a blog. But there's a difference between judging something that is different from you and trying to dictate how others live. Moreover, I think most of us who silently judge are fully capable of admitting that while we prefer our own way, that doesn't make any different way inherently bad.
If you can't understand the simple concept of how we are all made different, which is why different things motivate and appeal to us, try thinking of individual parenting choices as other choices. I am a cat person. Dogs are okay. I've had plenty of them, but I'm not really that into them. I have some friends who can't stand cats. Me constantly mentioning my love of cats isn't going to change the anti-cat person into a cat person, and them countering back to me with the merits of dog love isn't going to persuade me either. Now let's suppose we have a friend who wants a pet, but doesn't know what to get. Of course we are going to both try to persuade her why our pet preference is best. In the end, though, that neutral friend is probably going to pick the pet that fits best within her personality and lifestyle. If she's a dog person, my cat argument may have sounded appealing... until she found an alternative that was more "her." I can't get mad at her for that. I can't call her and the other dog lover horrible people or irresponsible pet owners simply because having a cat wasn't for them. I mean, I could; but if I did, they would probably be well within their right for hating me and my insistent one-true-wayism.
I'm not that gal, though. I might question why anyone would ever prefer a dog. I might even think they're crazy for it. But at the end of the day, I will always acknowledge that while a cat is right for me, it isn't for everyone, and I shouldn't give a flying flip about what someone else does in her own household unless it directly or indirectly affects me. I also don't need to justify my choice of cat to anyone. And if I had a fellow cat-loving friend who was One-True Way about her cat love and who refused to respect anyone who owned a dog, I couldn't be friends with her. I am not in the habit of maintaining friendships with people who can only respect me when I am exactly like them. Heaven forbid I want to have my own opinions one day!
I know some of you think this is a ridiculous example, because cats and dogs don't really affect society, but how someone raises their kid does. But not really. Yes, there are some universal bads that have a long-term effect on society. People who choose to allow their kids to be obese are affecting health care costs, but someone who occasionally lets her kid have junk food that you don't allow in your house at all probably is not. People who are sexually or physically abusing their kids are probably affecting the society around you, but people who are spanking their kids or strict Positive Parenting advocates most likely are not. People who raise their kids religiously or who raise their kids atheist are likely not affecting you, but people who are raising their kids to hate and even engage in physical violence towards people of a different race, religion or sexual orientation, probably are.
We all want society to be better. We all want our kids to be nearly perfect (whatever our version of "perfect" is). However, there are only a few examples of truly universally bad parenting. The rest is all shades of gray. So tend your own garden before you go pointing out the dandelions in someone else's.
Post Note: After this was published, someone asked me if I'm not doing the same thing I'm accusing others of doing—judging someone's parenting style. I think it's a valid question. Here is my answer: In the same way people who are intolerant of bigotry, sexism, homophobia, etc. aren't "intolerant" on the same level as the bigots/sexists/homophobes [e.g., hating Westborough Baptist doesn't make you a hypocritical hater], I'm not casting judgment in the same manner as the one-true way parent. I don't care how someone parents. I really don't. Even if I don't like someone's parenting style, unless it falls within the rare exception of a Universal Bad warranting a call to CPS, it isn't my business. That was the whole point of this post. It's none of our business when people employ parenting methods that are different from our own. Most of those people know nothing about your kids and what makes them tick, so they have no business publicly passing judgment on your parenting style. And, quite frankly, they also lack the qualifications. So, no, I'm not trying to say "Hey, I bash the One-True Way Moms who parent differently from me." Heck, I feel the same whether it's someone with a vastly different parenting style or someone with whom I generally agree [I cringe watching another lactivist attack moms who use formula. Killing the cause, deary. Killing. The. Cause]. I'm just saying, until you've walked several hundred miles in another mom's pumps until you made it all the way home, don't go around telling her that she's not walking the right way. That's all.
What is a "Real Woman", Really?
This afternoon, The Huffington Post angered a number of fans on its Facebook page when it posted the following:
The commentary contained a link to this article, which showcased a slideshow of real Huffington Post readers in bikinis. The angry commenters' problem was that they believed HuffPost's characterization of the women in the slideshow as "real women" was a statement that the only real women are women with curves and bigger bodies and that "thin, healthy women" are not in fact "real." However, this wasn't the commenters' real problem. Their actual problem is two-fold: (1) a lack of reading comprehension [actually, a lack of reading, PERIOD, as they clearly did not read the article], and (2) a failed logic whereby they think thin automatically means healthy and thick automatically means unhealthy.
Not reading the article is really a sad problem, considering it is only two paragraphs long. The article makes it very clear that HuffPost sought after photographs of real women in order to combat the extremely airbrushed images that assault us from magazine aisles, along with the notion that the only way a woman should ever don a bikini is after she's lost 40 pounds. The article plainly says, "We happen to believe that if you're physically able to put on a bathing suit, you're bikini-ready." It also plainly states that it wanted the pictures it received to be "unstarved and unairbrushed." "Unstarved" doesn't mean, "zaftig only." Plenty of women are unstarved and thin, just as there are many women who are starved and thick [more on that point later]. The key here, though, is unairbrushed.
Anyone who clicked through the ten-picture slideshow would easily see that the women included in the slideshow came in all sizes. There are plump women and thin women. There are tall women and short women. You know what kind of women you won't find in those ten pictures, though? Airbrushed and Photoshopped women. Not one of those women has had dimples, cellulite, moles, birthmarks, or discolorations removed. Not one has had her lines smoothed and/or her body liquified [the Photoshop editing job of making someone skinny] to three times smaller than her actual size. These women, thin and thick alike, are "real" because they look the way any woman would look on the street. And if you think Kate Beckinsale or Snooki looks anything in person like what you see on the cover of a magazine teaching you how to look just like her [but ignoring the main tip of, "and then Photoshop yourself"], then you are exactly the type of gullible person to which these articles are marketed.
Now let's get to the second problem, the idea that thin means healthy and thick means unhealthy. BEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!! WRONG!
Look, I don't dispute that someone who is morbidly obese is probably unhealthy. When Ruby Gettinger weighed more than 400 pounds, she was undoubtedly, not healthy. But where people often go wrong is when they make the automatic assumption that someone who is thin, whether naturally thin or not, is healthy and that someone who is overweight (not obese, but just outside the realm of their ideal weight) is unhealthy. There have been several studies that disprove this theory. What you see on the outside doesn't necessarily indicate a person's eating habits or exercise levels. Yes, people who eat right and exercise and stay or maintain a thin weight as a result of their healthy habits should be applauded for their discipline. Where we get off the rails, however, is when we assume that because someone looks "good" on the outside, this matches what is happening on the inside.
This is what is so wrong with a thin-obsessed culture. The emphasis should never be on "thin," it should always be on "healthy." If "thin" is a level you achieve when you become "healthy," then great. But there are far too many people, women especially, who develop very unhealthy habits (anorexia and bulimia being only two of these) in pursuit of "thin." However, society is much better off when people are eating well and exercising--regardless of what size or forms their bodies take as a result of this healthy living.
Here's my "real" time....
I have been my current height (5'7") since I was 13 or 14 years old. Including pregnancy, at this height, I have been every weight from 80 pounds to 200 pounds. I was not starving when I was 80 pounds; it was the result of my natural metabolism, inherited from both parents. My parents should have been my cautionary tale. I should have known that my metabolism wouldn't last forever. But because of partly acting out because of all the hurt I experienced when I was younger, when my peers had no problem making fun of my weight ["toothpick," "anorexic," "Olive Oyl" -- I've heard it all] and largely having formed awful habits as the result of having no visual consequences to my lifestyle, I formed awful habits. By high school, I had actually started lifting weights, because I had read in magazines that doing so would help me gain weight. I was also eating ten times a day in an effort to gain weight--mostly junk food, fast food, and anything I could get out of a vending machine. I never did any real cardio until law school, because I found it "boring" and "I didn't need it." In fact, the only time I did cardio even in law school was during dance practice or when I decided to walk 20 blocks to go shopping (or, more likely, to a bar) because I couldn't afford a cab and didn't want to take the subway. Despite eating Taco Bell and other awful takeout nearly every day for lunch and dinner, my weight never went over 120 pounds until long after graduation, when I went on a medication that had the side effect of making me gain a ton of weight quickly. I didn't just gain weight, I got "puffy." To combat that weight gain, I basically tried to starve myself back into my size 0 clothes. I rarely ate breakfast and lunch. For dinner, whether or not I ate something healthy depended on my mood. But, hey, whatever worked to keep me within or under my "ideal weight" and BMI, right?
Wrong. Everything about my old lifestyle was wrong. And it wasn't until a few months before Pop Culture Dad and I got engaged--when I got a personal trainer who knocked some sense into me--that I realized how wrong my previous lifestyle was, regardless of how good I looked on the outside.
Am I a picture of perfect health today? No. But, sadly, I am much healthier now, in my greater attempts to eat home-cooked meals more often, to buy organic fruits and vegetables (and even starting to grow my own), and in trying to incorporate more physical activity (even if it isn't always "exercise") than I was when I was back in my "hot" days in my early and mid-20s. Am I as healthy as I could be? Absolutely not. But I'm working on it. Although I would ultimately like to lose some weight and trim down from the healthy changes I continue to make to my lifestyle, in the end all that will really matter is that I have improved my quality (and length) of life by making these healthy changes. I will also have given my daughters the benefit of hopefully long and healthy lives by not teaching them--as I sadly had learned--that it doesn't matter what they eat right now, because they have the metabolism that I used to have, and they can basically gorge themselves on anything and everything without consequence until they turn 25. That was a bad lesson to learn, and it has been a hard habit to break.
In any event, I will continue to be a "real" woman. I'm not going to Photoshop my imperfections before posting pictures to Facebook out of fear that people will judge me if I don't look "perfect" and skinny. If I ever again achieve what I believe to be my ideal body [not weight; weight tells you nothing] again, I will still be a "real" woman, because I will remain unairbrushed and true to myself.
(L) High school and (R) law school. "Real" and unairbrushed, but an unhealthy version of skinny.
Pop Culture Dad and I at our healthiest--on our honeymoon in 2008, eating well and being active (although 50 pounds heavier than I was in high school/college and 20-30 pounds heavier than my heaviest law school weight -- both times living off fast food). Unstarved and unairbrushed.
Me today. I'm still "real" and unairbrushed. Still not as healthy as I could be and have been, but 100x healthier than my college and law school skinny days (and noneyabiz how much heavier).
So Over Justin Bieber B*tching About His 19th Birthday
Poor rich and famous Justin Bieber. You see, he's so very famous that his fans wanted to spend his 19th birthday with him--those stupid, overly aggressive dummies!-- and that made it just horrible--in fact the worst birthday of his whole 19 years. Those rude people who won't let him have the life in the public eye he wanted all while maintaining extreme privacy! And then those same rude people had the nerve to insinuate that he had underage kids with him at a nightclub celebrating his birthday--an allegation the nightclub backs up. If those haters had been paying attention, they would have known that one of the rich and famous underage kids just "Gave Justin His Cartier Then Went Home." That's not at all the same as going to a nightclub... even though he kinda did [just didn't stay]. And he was in London for cripes' sake. London!! Just awful. Horrible. Inhumane!
Oh, gee! Poor baby! Too many people wanted to spend his 19th birthday with him, and the nightclub didn't bend the rules of legality to allow him to celebrate his 19th birthday the way he wanted, with all of his not-quite-yet-18 friends present and zero fans. First world problems doesn't even begin to cover this. Meanwhile... somewhere in the world, some kid didn't even make it to his 19th birthday, because he starved or was killed by violence long before that. But let's all take a moment of silence for Justin's awful £8,000 party....
Okay, I won't begrudge the kid (too much) bitching about his birthday or other first-world (and 1% of the first-world) problems. We all bitch from time to time. But even without the extremes of starvation/early, violent death vs. not-getting-your-wayitis, the kid still needs to learn some gratitude?
Here's the story of my 19th birthday: I was taking summer classes, so I was living in the international wing of my dormitory [which, with its high, black iron gate, somewhat resembled a prison], while the rest of it was closed for the summer. I didn't know a single person (out of the 35) in the dorms that summer. All of my friends were gone. My parents each went out of town (separate trips). Neither called me on that day at ALL. They had absolutely forgotten about my birthday.
While I was moping in the tiny courtyard, one of the other students found me, asked why I was glum, and then he felt bad about my parents and friends forgetting my birthday. So he took me to Whole Foods and bought me lunch. He didn't even know me. It was a really sweet gesture. Later that day, there was a knock on my door. The kind no-longer-stranger had told his roommate that it was my birthday and that my parents and friends had forgotten about me. His roommate came to let me know he was going to a party, and even though I probably didn't know anyone there, I could come along. I went. And he was right, I knew maybe one person who was there. But everyone was super duper nice, and all told me stories about how much their 19th birthdays sucked. Apparently, 19 is the most forgotten birthday. It's wedged in between the "you're officially an adult" birthday and the "congrats, you're in your 20s!" birthday, so people just don't give a crap about 19. One of the people who shared his "19 sucks" birthday stories with me was in the hospital on his birthday, so... ya know... could be worse.
Even though my 19th birthday started out pretty sucky, in the end, it wasn't bad. When I think about that birthday, I always laugh about how everyone had forgotten it; but their forgetting actually made it one of my most interesting and coolest birthdays. That was the day I experienced an incredible kindness from complete strangers. These guys didn't know me at all and had no reason to try to cheer me up, but they did it anyway. There were no ulterior motives behind it. They were just genuinely nice people. All of the people I met that night were generally just nice people who didn't want me to finish off my first day of 19 on a crappy note. For the sheer fact that it restored my faith in humanity [only for it to be later destroyed... but that's another story], my 19th birthday kinda rocked.
The thing is, all of us with 19th birthday horror stories had been forgotten. Bieber's problem? That too many people remembered. People wanted him to feel loved and adored. Instead, he felt annoyed and entitled. Suck it up, dude!
Photograph: Alex Davies/FilmMagic
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