Taking the Pledge Against Cyber Bullying

Back in the late-80s through early-90s, I was a scrawny little, nerdy thing with braces and glasses. I had always been this way, but there was something about middle school and high school that made other children notice my puny geekiness even more. I was teased, called names, and even had a girl or two threaten to fight me for daring to say that someone who verbally harassed me was a "bitch." Sure, I was bullied, though not to the extent that kids today are. And I am also ashamed to admit that I am pretty sure (thought I can't remember), there was probably a kid or two who I gave as good as I was getting [though I doubt I ever threatened to fight anyone -- when you weigh 70 or 80 pounds, it's just not a smart thing to do...]. At some point by the end of high school, no one really seemed to care that I was 90 pounds at 5'7" [with the exception of (1) this overweight girl who used to call me Olive Oyl every day; and (2) my friends who would get visibly upset watching me scarf down enough lunch for two people without putting on a single pound, while it was all they could do to keep their weight in check], a complete drama geek, and vice president of our chapter of the National Honor Society. Nor did anyone care that I didn't have a cool bone in my body. By college and law school, I was actually (gasp!) one of the popular gals. With all those traumatic years of middle school and the beginning of high school far, far behind me, I thought I had long left the days of bullies. Boy was I ever wrong.

I was reintroduced to the world of bullies shortly after becoming pregnant with Pop Culture Toddler. I joined a parenting message board. Although my time on that site was generally wonderful, and I have made some great and hopefully lifelong friends out of the process, I also witnessed behavior that I thought was left behind junior year of high school. I was pregnant with Pop Culture Toddler during an election year. Now, politics and pregnancy hormones generally don't mix as it is; however, some of these ladies took things to the extreme. I witnessed a now-friend of mine (a lovely lady who I have hung out with in person a number of times, who I know to be a loyal and generous friend) called "terrorist," simply because she is Muslim. There were a few girls on one of my expecting boards who prided themselves on being the Bad Mommy club, who would pick fights with other moms just to entertain themselves. When the admins cracked down on the drama on our board, they started picking fights with other expecting months and even a competing website. I also witnessed one crazy mother on my other expecting board who, in addition to bragging about throwing a television set at her husband, constantly harassed other mothers, called one mother the "N" word in her "happy birthday" message, and made comments about vile things (which I will not repeat) that she did while looking at pictures of our children. I have also seen people come to board designated for blended, bi-racial/multi-ethnic, and (unofficial) LGBT families and make either racist, bigoted, separatist or homophobic comments, just to get their jollies. I have seen all of this by people who are allegedly there to have support during their (or their partners') pregnancies and life as parents. Yes, these crazy people (assuming the majority of them weren't true trolls) are raising children. Sad.

This wasn't the end of it. As a Featured Blogger on that same website, I would often get comments from people who apparently had nothing better to do with their time than pick on the bloggers. Although I have always been that mother who maintains that things I do and advocate are what's right for my family and my family alone, I would get several comments either accusing me of thinking I'm "always right" or just outright attacking me for things I did -- very personal parenting choices. Whether it was my decision to practice attachment parenting, following my pediatrician's advice for calcium substitutes for my milk-allergen carrying kid, my husband's and my decision to pierce our infant daughter's ears, or my choice to breast feed in public, there was always some parent (not always women, mind you) who had something snarky and hateful to say. 

I saw my other mommy friends attacked, too.  One of my friends was attacked for daring to enjoy a vacation with her husband while her in-laws watched her children. Recently, I have watched with horror as one of my dearest friends gets attacked on a constant basis. In some cases, we know or at least suspect who some of these cyberbullies are. In others, it's the same sort of cyberbully who attacked me -- idiots who think that the anonymity provided by the Internet gives them free license to be hateful. I have even recently heard the case of one mother who was basically attacked as an "accomplice" in her child's accidental death, while his pictures were stolen off her blog and co-opted as a poster child for their cause by the same group attacking her. It's all immature, deplorable behavior. 

Now there's nothing wrong with expressing an opposing view, but there is something wrong with being hateful and ugly in expressing that view. Not to mention, it gets you nowhere.

This is why I was so glad to hear about the
Mommy Blogger Pledge. It's time for bloggers to take control and bring civility back to discourse. Sure, we cannot control the actions of others, but we can take control of how we react to it. I can't stop someone from calling me names or harshly criticizing my actions, but I can choose not to engage in similar behavior and to delete the offending comments before a comment thread gets out of hand. I will not feed the trolls.

If we want to teach our children that bullying is wrong, it's important that we set a good example. If you have a blog, I invite you to take The Pledge, and if you don't, I implore you to consider The Pledge when leaving comments on others' blogs. 


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When Tragedy Strikes, Who Gets Your Most Precious Cargo? (Modern Family)

On last night's absolutely hilarious episode of 'Modern Family' ("Someone to Watch Over Lily"), Cameron and Mitchell spied on Mitchell's family members in order to determine who would get their daughter, Lily, in the event they were both deceased ("God forbid!"). First, Mitchell and Cam went over the Mitchell's sister's Claire house. After Claire's husband, Phil, set the kitchen on fire, her daughter Haley called her "the worst mom in the world," and her daughter Alex barges in the kitchen wondering why no one heard her screaming while she was locked in the garage for the past 20 minutes, it was pretty clear that the Dunphys were out of the running as Lily's potential guardians. Mitchell was set on his father and young step-mother Gloria, but Cameron had his reservations about Papa Jay. Eventually, the pair settled on Jay and Gloria, leading Gloria to shout with glee that Lily was finally hers and taking Lily upstairs to see her "new room."

In addition to making my husband and I laugh until our sides hurt and we had tears coming out of our eyes, it got us thinking: we have not yet written our wills or issued directives on what would happen to our children in the event something happened to us. Sure, we've discussed it plenty of times, but we've never come to a final conclusion. We have someone in mind who would be the perfect guardian, but we've never finalized that decision with each other, let alone talked to the family to see how they feel about the situation. 

Considering I'm a lawyer and have done pro bono work putting together wills and powers of attorney for others, it's really sloppy of me to not have drafted wills for my Pop Culture Dad and myself. Honestly, I started the drafts nearly three years ago, when I was pregnant with Pop Culture Toddler. However, here I am pregnant with Pop Culture Kid #2, and we have yet to put anything final on paper. Shame, shame!

This weekend is a long holiday weekend, and as they say, "There's no time like the present." In between cleaning out the guest room to transform it into a princess paradise for Pop Culture Toddler and otherwise just getting our house in order, Pop Culture Dad and I need to spend the weekend getting our affairs in order. I plan on making sure we carve out some time to do our wills (which, honestly, shouldn't take very long) and then, once we declare with certainty that we do in fact want the guardians we originally discussed, give them a call to see how they feel about the subject. There's really no reason we shouldn't have done this sooner, and there is no good reason to delay it any further.

So how about the rest of you -- are your affairs in order? If not, what's holding you back? Is it a sense of laziness/disorganization, like what happened with us? Or is it more of an issue of really not knowing who you would trust with your children? Or is it something else entirely?

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(image courtesy of ABC.com)
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