People Will Apparently Believe Anything (Odd Baby Names)
I was listening to a replay of an earlier episode of Lance Bass's Dirty Pop the other day, and Lance and his co-hosts were talking about the Tennessee judge who changed a child's name from "Messiah" to "Martin." This topic lead into a discussion of weird baby names people have heard, and several people called in with some whoppers. And when I mean whoppers, I mean these were outright lies.
What is it about you teachers and nurses (the biggest offenders) that you apparently think your job isn't interest enough on its own that you have to make up names of students? I'm not saying teachers and nurses don't have interesting jobs. In fact, most of the teachers and nurses I know have much better war stories (assuming any of them are true) than pretty much any other profession I've met. But either you people are so greedy that you want to have a lock on "In addition to all the crazy stories I can tell you about my day, let me tell you this name I heard!" or you for some reason think that the rest of the world finds your job so boring that you're just making up stuff. Either that, or you're pathological liars. I dunno. But nearly everyone of these obviously fake "baby names" that are easily debunked by anyone who wants to spend 10 seconds on Google come from a nurse, a teacher, or a person who heard the name from a nurse or teacher. Heck, even my own mother used to make up these, "There's a child at my school named [insert name that's never appeared in the U.S. birth records ever]. Her mom is so uneducated she didn't know what it meant!"
So what were the baby names (and how they were pronounced) reported by teachers, nurses, and friends of teachers/nurses to the Dirty Pop crew? Shithead (shah-threed), La-a (lah-dash-ah), twins named Lemonjello and Orangejello (lu-mon-jah-lo and oh-ron-jah-lo), Placenta (play-ceen-tah), and Meconium (mek-oh-nam). Seriously?! Not only have everybody and their grandmothers heard these urban legend child names before, but Snopes has debunked Every. Single. One. Of. Them. The only name missing from this "common urban legend" list was Female (fem-uh-lee; rhymes with "Emily").
There were a couple of reported names that were probably real, like Dick Wiener (Richard Wiener is easy to believe. Not to mention, there was once a mayor in Indiana named Harry Baals, and the "First Lady" of my home state of Texas was named Ima Hogg). And there was at least one name that I completely called bullshit on, which turns out is actually real... because people suck [that name, in case you were wondering is Abcde (ab-sa-duh), which, while apparently a real name, is claimed to belong to someone actually known to the reporter more often than the vital records would support. That's just lazy, people! (and stupid)].
Overwhelmingly, though, these names were clearly and lazily made up. Just the fact that Snopes has two articles on them, and I've heard no less than a dozen comedy routines using a number of these names is proof positive that people need to find new material. If you're going to make things up, at least be original! Though, really, I would prefer people just didn't make these things up. There are enough people in the world with unbelievably horrible names because of their parents' stupidity, that you really shouldn't even need to make up names. Not to mention, as the Snopes writer points out, many of these names have their origins in racism. Even if these urban legends aren't thought of as racist in today's times, they are, at best, classist. Personally, I don't find it particularly amusing to make fun of people because they are poor and have low education.
Now, a note about Messiah:
Look, it's no secret that I loathe kr8v names. But that judge was way over the line. In addition to the complete overstepping of her bounds [the only issue before her was the baby's last name, not his first], her reasoning for the name change really bothers me. "There's only one Messiah" smacks the legal system stepping its bounds into religion. Since the government shall establish no religion, and there's only one religion that believes there has been the one Messiah, it sure looks like that judge was establishing a religion in violation of the First Amendment. I don't foresee this withstanding appeal. I'm not a fan of naming a kid Messiah, but that wasn't this judge's call to make.
What is it about you teachers and nurses (the biggest offenders) that you apparently think your job isn't interest enough on its own that you have to make up names of students? I'm not saying teachers and nurses don't have interesting jobs. In fact, most of the teachers and nurses I know have much better war stories (assuming any of them are true) than pretty much any other profession I've met. But either you people are so greedy that you want to have a lock on "In addition to all the crazy stories I can tell you about my day, let me tell you this name I heard!" or you for some reason think that the rest of the world finds your job so boring that you're just making up stuff. Either that, or you're pathological liars. I dunno. But nearly everyone of these obviously fake "baby names" that are easily debunked by anyone who wants to spend 10 seconds on Google come from a nurse, a teacher, or a person who heard the name from a nurse or teacher. Heck, even my own mother used to make up these, "There's a child at my school named [insert name that's never appeared in the U.S. birth records ever]. Her mom is so uneducated she didn't know what it meant!"
So what were the baby names (and how they were pronounced) reported by teachers, nurses, and friends of teachers/nurses to the Dirty Pop crew? Shithead (shah-threed), La-a (lah-dash-ah), twins named Lemonjello and Orangejello (lu-mon-jah-lo and oh-ron-jah-lo), Placenta (play-ceen-tah), and Meconium (mek-oh-nam). Seriously?! Not only have everybody and their grandmothers heard these urban legend child names before, but Snopes has debunked Every. Single. One. Of. Them. The only name missing from this "common urban legend" list was Female (fem-uh-lee; rhymes with "Emily").
There were a couple of reported names that were probably real, like Dick Wiener (Richard Wiener is easy to believe. Not to mention, there was once a mayor in Indiana named Harry Baals, and the "First Lady" of my home state of Texas was named Ima Hogg). And there was at least one name that I completely called bullshit on, which turns out is actually real... because people suck [that name, in case you were wondering is Abcde (ab-sa-duh), which, while apparently a real name, is claimed to belong to someone actually known to the reporter more often than the vital records would support. That's just lazy, people! (and stupid)].
Overwhelmingly, though, these names were clearly and lazily made up. Just the fact that Snopes has two articles on them, and I've heard no less than a dozen comedy routines using a number of these names is proof positive that people need to find new material. If you're going to make things up, at least be original! Though, really, I would prefer people just didn't make these things up. There are enough people in the world with unbelievably horrible names because of their parents' stupidity, that you really shouldn't even need to make up names. Not to mention, as the Snopes writer points out, many of these names have their origins in racism. Even if these urban legends aren't thought of as racist in today's times, they are, at best, classist. Personally, I don't find it particularly amusing to make fun of people because they are poor and have low education.
Now, a note about Messiah:
Look, it's no secret that I loathe kr8v names. But that judge was way over the line. In addition to the complete overstepping of her bounds [the only issue before her was the baby's last name, not his first], her reasoning for the name change really bothers me. "There's only one Messiah" smacks the legal system stepping its bounds into religion. Since the government shall establish no religion, and there's only one religion that believes there has been the one Messiah, it sure looks like that judge was establishing a religion in violation of the First Amendment. I don't foresee this withstanding appeal. I'm not a fan of naming a kid Messiah, but that wasn't this judge's call to make.
 |
| (Heidi Wigdahl / Associated Press) Sorry, little guy. Whatever your name is, you sure are cute. |
Has Social Media Made Us a Less Forgiving Society?
This week, I was listening to Lance Bass' "Dirty Pop" on my way home [Sirius/XM OutQ 109]. I don't remember the celebrity or the topic that started the train of thought, but Lance and his co-hosts opined that society has become less forgiving of celebrities when they screw up, and they believed the rise of social media has a lot to do with that. I completely disagree.
According to the Dirty Pop Crew, thanks to celebrity and media over-saturation, now when we see a Lindsay Lohan or Paula Deen type, once they've messed up, we as a society get tired of hearing from them and want nothing to do with them. While I know I personally feel that way (and social media has little to do with it), that doesn't seem to be the trend of celebrities in general.
Take Chris Brown for example. What the heck does this douchebag have to do in order for people to ask for him to disappear?? He nearly beat his girlfriend within an inch of her life [and, if you read the police report, it sounds like exactly what he was trying to do was kill her]. He barely showed any remorse for it, only instead giving interviews saying he was sorry if he disappointed his fans [that "I'm sorry if you think I should feel sorry for something" fake apology is the worst ever, and no rational person should ever fall for that!!] but then going on to have harsh words for his "haters," because he was a "child of God," so the rest of us could suck it. From that he has had several instances where he goes on Twitter tirades until his publicist or someone makes him delete his hateful tweets. And then, if all of that wasn't bad enough on its own, the guy has an interview with Robin Roberts—fresh out of chemo—where afterwards he was so mad at her (and called her a few choice words) that he punched a mirror and threw a heavy chair out of a window and onto the street below. He never even tried to do a real or "I'm sorry you think I should feel sorry" apology for that either. But did people cut off Chris Brown? Did they ostracize him from the community of celebrities? Was his brand tarnished in the least? Nope. Not by his fans. Heck, shortly after he beat the crap out of Rihanna, some newlyweds became internet sensations for a YouTube video of their entire wedding party dancing down the aisle to "Forever." That song is still used as an anthem for damn-near everything fun and celebratory. Chris Brown's misguided fans continue to support him and all of his temper tantrums, and buy the line of horseshit he constantly tries to sell, painting himself as a victim. In fact, his popularity is at such an all-time high that it is apparently up to Chris Brown and Chris Brown alone to decide when it is time for him to quit... maybe. Chris Brown announced on Twitter this week that after his next album comes out this fall he is quitting music, because he's tired of being famous for a "mistake" he made as a teenager rather than his music. Gee... that's funny... Because from where I'm sitting, the only people who still focus on his "mistake" [seriously, I'm just angry he has the nerve to be dismissive like that] are those of us who didn't give two craps about his music in the first place. Sure, before he revealed himself to be a jerkwad of ginormous proportions, I liked his music just fine. But there is NO performer good enough to make me overlook these kind of issues. I do have some morals, you know. In my household, the TV or radio is changed when he comes on. Sometimes I feel like I'm alone in my continued punishment of not-so-sorry sorry celebrities. But then something wonderful happens, like when Zynga stupidly tried to feature the phrase "Chris Brown" in its Daily Draw. The result was a lot of pictures of Rihanna's bruised and battered face accompanied with statements that people needed to remember what this stain on humanity has really done with his life and realize why he should not be honored. My drawing skills skew more cartoon-oriented than life-like portrait-oriented, so my protest went thus:
Chris Brown isn't the only celebrity who has gotten a pass on bad behavior. Sure, we're sick of Lindsay Lohan now, but how many years of bad behavior did it take before we got there? Ten? I can't even keep track anymore. And, really, it's disingenuous to say that "we're" sick of her. Obviously, someone still likes hearing about Lindsay Lohan, or I wouldn't even know that she left rehab last week.
Paula Deen's restaurant had a line out the door and around the block the week after details of her racism [no, not just 38 years ago, dolts!] emerged and after her four attempts at her bogus "I'm sorry if you felt offended" "apology." Of course, the people waiting for hours and hours to go into her restaurant were probably also just racists and bigots who don't think they're racist and bigots [much like the people who lined up to line the corporate pockets of Chick-Fil-A in honor of its Hate Crime, er, CFA Appreciation Day don't think they're bigots... but they are]. But the fact is, while Paula Deen lost several endorsements and fans that month, she also gained just as many. In fact, despite being universally cut off from all of her former sponsors, many of them have announced recently that they're going to take her back. No, she hasn't done anything new or special to indicate she truly knows what a horrible person she was (is) and wants to change it. In fact, new allegations have since come out about how she asked black women working for her to dress like Aunt Jemima. The fact is, Twitter and Facebook have moved on, so now all of the corporate sponsors who threw up mock outrage (which, I'll admit, looked real at the time) in June, now feel perfectly safe fully supporting someone they allegedly found so distasteful not even two months ago.Yes, Black Twitter made a mockery of her with the awesomely funny #PaulasBestDishes hashtag... but no one else seemed to care because she "had been punished enough" or "it's old already."
Anthony Weiner... Do you remember the days when disgraced politicians would disappear and never come back? Or at least they'd disappear for a long enough time and re-emerge as so awesome of a character that you almost totally forgot what it was that they had done? Apparently, those days are gone. Twitter (or, rather, his inability to use good judgment on Twitter) did take him down. But... he popped back up... Same horndog, a-hole he was before. No changes, and this time no apologies. Heck, he's even doubled-down on his jerkiness.
All of this is to say, while I agree with the Dirty Pop Crew that social media makes it easier to become aware of celebrities' dirty deeds and makes it easier to judge them for it, social media has not in any way created this "gone and dead forever" scenario that the DPC claims exists. Celebrities these days bounce back like one of those inflatable punching bags—you keep pushing, but even the worst of them refuse to stay down. And these days, they don't even bother with real and sincere apologies.
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