The other day, some girlfriends and I were discussing the gender reveal – do you or don’t you? Suzi and Brittney are very much in favor of finding out their babies’ genders when given the opportunity. Amanda loves the surprise and has even blogged about it twice. Kat also loves a surprise. Personally, I’m on the fence about whether I prefer being surprised myself or simply surprising everyone else. In any event, when I’m pregnant, don’t bother asking me my baby’s gender. Either I won’t have found out or I won’t be revealing. You can wait until my child is born to find out if I had a boy or a girl. But be forewarned: if you harass me too much about knowing the gender, you may not be around in my life long enough to find out.

When I was pregnant with Pop Culture Toddler, my pregnancy expecting board had three different color groups of expecting parents: Team Pink, Team Blue, and Team Green. Team Pink consisted of those parents who were having a girl, Team Blue a boy, and Team Green those who wanted to keep the baby’s gender a surprise. At some point, however, I added a subset to Team Green – Team Noneya.

“Noneya” is a term one of my former secretaries used whenever she scanned or created personal documents for herself or for me. The first time she did it, I was really confused. When I asked her “Why ‘noneya’?” she said, “So if anyone looks at it, they’ll know it’s ‘noneya’ damn business.” I liked it so much I stole it.

The Team Noneya subset of Team Green included us parents who broke down and found out our babies’ genders but chose not to share them with anyone. Everyone had slightly different reasons for keeping the gender a secret, but at the root of it all was our shared belief (a belief shared by the parents who didn’t find out their babies’ genders) that people who were not involved in the process of contributing fifty percent of the baby’s genetic material should not really care what we were having, and if they did care, well, that was their problem, not ours.

Well, we were wrong. People care, and they care passionately. In fact, some people cared so passionately during my pregnancy, that they made me downright angry and just a wee bit stabby. Want to make a pregnant woman cry and see just how long a Cancer can hold a grudge? Tell her you wouldn’t bother to decorate her baby shower because she wouldn’t share her baby’s gender. Want to see just how far an envelope opener can be thrust into someone’s heart (at least in my mind)? Then try your chances in the office by harassing a pregnant and hormonal me every single day about her baby’s gender and interpreting every single box that is delivered as a “sign.”

I didn’t get it then, and I don’t get it now. Why does it bother someone so much that the parents either choose not to find out their baby’s gender or to not reveal it until the baby is born? Why? Why?? WHY??? Because, you know what? It’s noneya damn business. It’s not. And people’s stinky attitudes toward me when I was pregnant and keeping my Pop Culture Fetus’s gender identity a surprise (a surprise I thought would be nice, mind you) have increased my resolve to never reveal my child’s gender no matter how many children I have. I refuse to play people’s stupid little games – particularly when it truly does not, or at least should not, concern them.

I had a couple of reasons for not wanting to share the gender of Pop Culture Toddler. The first reason is that Pop Culture Dad and I had originally planned to not find out at all, and we wanted to half-honor that spirit. Before my 20-week ultrasound, we had already picked out both a boy and a girl name and painted the nursery. Three of the nursery walls were blue and yellow. The fourth wall was painted like a quilt wall – blue, yellow, green and pink. It’s the fourth color that gave people pause. Even though I hadn’t found out my child’s gender yet, I have heard several times (and still hear to this day) that we “let” pink be the fourth color because I knew I was having a girl. I didn’t. And I don’t care. I’m perfectly fine with my son having 5% of his bedroom pink. And there really wasn’t anything revealing in the choice of paint color – it simply matched the Care Bear border I had bought in my 9th week of pregnancy when I decided to design a nursery around a Grumpy Bear I had purchased on eBay five years prior. But I digress…

Pop Culture Dad and I decided on the morning of the ultrasound – on the way to the ultrasound – that we would find out the baby’s gender, but we decided to keep it a surprise. Pop Culture Dad decided he would make his life easier by simply telling people that we didn’t find out. I (as always) was feeling a little more brazen, so I decided I would have no problem telling people that we just weren’t going to reveal the gender.

Another reason for not revealing the gender was purely personal to me. I have a very large family, so I have been to a lot of baby showers. One thing that always irked me was the color conformity of the gifts. If it was a shower for a boy, everything was blue; if for a girl, then everything was pink. It was almost as if each guest went to Target and thought, “Oh! I’m sure no one else thought to get blue onesies! I must make sure I get a dozen!”. These all-blue and all-pink baby showers bothered me; but they weren’t my showers, so I put it out of my mind. I always tried to do my part, however, by mixing up my gifts a little. I always stick to the registry, because I refuse to presume that my preference overrides someone else’s well-thought out plans and specific requests (I’m considerate that way). But if there’s no registry, I try to get a mix of things. Yes, I will buy your little boy blue, but I will also buy green, orange, brown, whatever.

Even though I was [until I had a daughter and was forced to go shopping for her] a huge fan of pink, I hated pink until I was 21. I blame Hello Kitty for the transformation.  Back then, it was hard to find anything Hello Kitty that wasn’t pink. Slowly the two concepts melded in my mind, and… well… ask my husband how he feels about the pink rice cooker, toaster maker, sandwich press, griddle and gameroom…. However, I never intended for my pink fanaticism and Hello Kitty obsession to dictate everything I bought for my child, even if it was a girl. I knew that if I had a girl, I would find myself stuck with everything pink and frilly [for the record, I still do and always will hate frilly]; just like I knew if I had a boy, I would find myself stuck with everything blue and baseball-related.  How did I “know” this? Because the same people who bugged me constantly about my baby’s gender said the reason they “had” to know was so they knew whether to buy pink or blue and Hello Kitty or football – exactly the result I wanted to avoid. So, yes, boy or girl, no one was going to know my child's gender ahead of time.

[Oh, and for what it’s worth, Pop Culture Toddler does not look good in pink unless it’s a very dark, fuchsia-type color (not the kind you get at baby showers). You know what else doesn’t go with pink? Eczema -- of which PCT has plenty! PCT does, however, look fabulous in green, purple, and black – not that anyone forcing their pink preferences down my throat would have been thoughtful enough to consider that.]

At the root of all this is the fact that people are selfish and sometimes downright rude and pushy. If I could trust people to know my baby’s gender and then respect my wishes by not buying pink or blue, then maybe I wouldn’t mind revealing the gender so much (assuming I find out). But the fact is people don’t. Even knowing how I feel very strongly about this, I had people shoving their preferences down my throat when I was pregnant with PCT [didn’t they ever learn not to cross a hormonal pregnant woman???]. I feel the same way about this I do about our choices of names – if you didn’t put this baby in me and you’re not carrying it, you don’t get a vote, and I could care less about your preferences.

The thing is, if people feel so strongly that newborn girls should be swaddled in all pink and newborn boys in all blue, the solution is simple: have your own baby. If you already have your own baby, then you’ve already had the chance to put your opinion to work.  But for those of us who decide to keep our babies’ genders a surprise – whether a surprise from us or only a surprise to everyone else – don’t rain on our parades. We’ve made our decision, and this like most other parenting decisions, is very subjective and not up to a community vote. Deal with it. Because, really, it’s noneya damn business.

Developer: ANDesigned
Price: $4.99
PCM Rating: 5 out of 5

I wish I'd had an iPhone or iPod Touch when I first had Pop Culture Toddler, and if I'd had one, I wish I would have had this app.

The Total Baby app is one part Itz Been™ timer, one part baby book, one part photo album, and one part calendar. It is all parts AWESOME.

For parents of multiple children (including multiples), you can record entries for more than one child. There's even a side-by-side record option for twins. You can modify the settings to use a different colored background for each child, if you choose. All entries are adaptable by measurement system, so of you're like everyone in the world outside of the U.S., you can use metric measurements instead of the customary system.

Baby Timers: The Itz Been™-like Component



The baby timers will probably be the most useful feature for new parents. You know you're supposed to keep track of feeding times, wet and dirty diapers, how long your baby nursed, etc.; but you're sleep deprived. And where did that notepad go? Okay, now that you've found the tablet of notes, why can't you decipher any of them? Oh. That's right. You're sleep deprived.

There are five timers: sleep, feeding, diapers, bathing and wild card. Unlike the Itz Been™ timer, which basically acts like a stop watch and alarm clock, the Total Baby app can be used as either a stop watch or a journal after the fact. Also, every entry is logged for later review; nothing disappears unless you want it to. Every option has sub-options, which makes the information that much more valuable.

The Sleep Timer

The sleep timer allows you to specify where your child slept and take notes.



The Feeding Timer

The feeding timer allows you to specify what type of feeding and gives you additional descriptive options based on the type of feeding selected. If you choose formula feeding, you can say how much was given. If you choose breastfeeding, you can specify whether it was a right or left feeding and run a timer while nursing, so that you know exactly how long. If you choose solid feedings, you can specify the types of solids given - there is a customizable list already available - whether your child liked it, how much s/he ate, and whether there was an allergic reaction.

Certain foods are hidden if your child is below the recommended age for them. You can, however, unhide them at any time.







The Diaper Timer

The diaper timer allows you to specify whether it was wet, solid, both or dry. If solid, you can describe the appearance. You can even add a description, as I did, to specify that your child went in the toilet rather than in his or her diaper.



The Bath Timer

You can use this to keep track of your child's baths and even where they occurred.



The Wild Card

You can use this for anything really. I used it to record medication [There are even commonly used meds, like Tylenol, Benadryl and Motrin already available for selection.


These days, I'm half-tempted to use it to record temper tantrums and epic meltdowns. That would require far too much usage of the app, however.

The Journal — Baby Book/Photo Album Component





The pictures above are pretty self-explanatory. You can use the Diary and Milestones tabs to record your child's milestones or any other neat day-to-day events. Each entry allows one photo. The most recent photo added is the one that will appear on your child's homepage.

Doctor Tab — The Calendar Part



The Doctor tab allows you to record past and future doctor appointments, contact information for the doctors, your child's growth (length/height, weight, and head circumference -- including charts with the percentiles and an option to see changes from the last record), vaccines, and allergies. The vaccine tab even includes a brief summary of what each vaccine does -- very useful for someone like me who can't remember why exactly a Hib shot is important.











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You might be worried that with all this data, one bad iTunes sync could wipe out your child's history. No fears! There's a sync option to prevent this.




I first got this app a little before my daughter's first birthday. At that point, it wasn't as important to use the timers on when she last ate or used the restroom, but I used them anyway. It was actually kind of fun.

I found the timers most useful, however, for nursing and sleep. I was able to tell by looking at previous days if my daughter was getting the recommended amount of sleep for her age. It was also useful to remember if our last nursing session was on the left or the right side.

I have also thoroughly enjoyed using the journal and doctor features. Instead of going back through my Outlook calendar to determine when we last saw the allergist, I can go here and see every single time we saw him. I can also keep track of things I would never put on Outlook, like the type of medicine he prescribed.

Being able to add pictures has made recording milestones more memorable. Not to mention, unlike that baby book, which disappeared a year ago, I know where my phone is at all times.

Overall, I can't think of any cons to the Total Baby app. When I first got this app, there were a couple of functions on my wishlist that weren't there. I emailed the developer, and POOF, there they were. I'm not saying I added them because of me alone (that's silly), but I will say the developer is responsive. I got a "thank you for your feedback" e-mail within an hour or two of my suggestion email, and the new features (which I'm guessing were heavily requested) were in the next release.

UPDATE: Total Baby has some very cool new features that have been added since this review was written. You can read my review of the latest updates (as of August 2012) here.